30 Days of Blogging, Day 12: In my BagPack

Oh, god, this could be a long list...
Ok, well, there's two notebooks in which I am doing work on my fourth step of the
AA program, a copy of the AA big book, a copy of "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus", and a copy of "Knife of Dreams" by Robert Jordan.
In the next zipper I have my calendar book in which I notate and keep track of all my Halfway House stuff.
In the second smallest zipper there is a bunch of old receipts and documents, a rear bike light I never installed, a couple hard candies from god-knows-where, a lighter, a matchbook missing 3 matches, 4 playing cards, and a pen that doesn't work.
In the small net pocket on the front I have 4 napkins, a pack of Swisher Sweet cigars my manager gave me when he quit smoking, a pack of Camel Filters for when I run out of my current pack, a yo-yo, a little notebook, a bendable ninja toy, several assorted pens and pencils, a highlighter, a marker, a little plastic slinkie, and a piece of paper with a phone number and no name on it.
Good thing I cleaned it out recently, or this list might have been quite formidable indeed!
lol
~Codaniel Von Johnson~

30 Days of Blogging, Day 11: My Siblings..

Well, My older siste Calynda is amazing, she helped raise me and has alway been very independent, and is now raising a beautiful little girl of her own. I love her to death!
My little brother Daniel is living in Canada and just turned 19, which is crazy considering I haven't been a big part of his life since he was about 10, but he's a great kid, very smart, and should go far in life!
My younger half-sister T'nia is also a mother, and although I don't see her very often, she is definitely a unique spirit who has much to offer the world, but like me, she may not as yet have figured out exactly what that is.. lol
And my older step-sister Liz is living in Texas with my nephew Luke, and is a very down-to-Earth and fun-loving girl, who isn't afraid to get stern and strict if the need arises.
I have other "adopted" siblings, but I figured I'd keep this mainly to those who were a part of my family growing up, either by blood, or marriage.
I love all of my siblings, and wouldn't exchange them for the world... Well, maybe, the world would be a pretty good bargain. just kidding.
~Codaniel Von Johnson~

30 Days of Blogging, Day 10: Today I Wore This.

Well this is the lamest topic yet.
Let's see.
1 Pair Matching Hanes Crew Cut Socks
I Pair Fruit of the Loom Elastic Waistband Boxer Shorts
1 Pair Authentic Issue Wrangler Real Comfortable "HERO" Jeans
1 XL Taco Johns Issue Work Shirt
1 Adjustable Taco Johns Issue Work Hat
1 Adjustable Taco Johns Issue TJ Belt Buckle Belt
1 Custom Print Taco Johns Training Specialist Magnetic Name Tag
Assorted Food Stuffs.
~Codaniel Von Johnson~

30 Days of Blogging, Day 9: My Faith

Throughout the years I have put my faith in many different things, each leading disastrously to a momentous letdown, each proving itself insufficient.
From drugs, to girls, to friends, all of my faith has slipped away from me in one form or another, with the exception of two examples.
I have faith in God, the God of my Understanding, to guide me to where I need to be, and to watch over me and see that I get there safely, and also to enable me to help as many as I can along the way.
God as I Understand him is embodied in Nature, and that is where I look for him and seek my inspiration, when I have the opportunity.
He has pulled me out of the downward spiral of aimless indifference and reestablished a purpose in my life, something I have been sorely lacking for a good long while (namely, my whole life).
And the other example is my faith in mankind. Although at times it seems unwarranted, there are those moments when I get the validation of my belief in the inherent goodness of people, and those moments are to be cherished more than any others, bolstering my spirit and replenishing my hope for a brighter future, one which can be brought about if only enough of us realize our potential and work toward a noble end.
Today, I can say that I have faith, and tomorrow, well, who knows what the future holds?...
Much Love,
~Codaniel Von Johnson~

30 Days of Blogging, Day 8: One Moment

As suggested to me by a friend, my topic for One Moment is the first moment I saw Trapped in the Closet by R. Kelly.
I was so confused (in fact I still am, that shit makes no sense, really) about the plot, and all this crazy shit that kept happening, gay preachers, cheating wives, husbands, lesbians, stripper midgets, chubby redneck girls who like talking about pears, upstairs, Rosey the Nosey Neighbor, the package, Drug lords, cops, all sorts of crazy random shit, and me just sitting there going... "Wait, What?!"
Anwyay, that was an interesting moment, but the worst part about it all is that it was left unfinished after 24 5-10 minute episodes, so none of it makes any sense after like an hour and a half of watching it.
Damn you R. Kelly!
~Codaniel Von Johnson~

30 Days of Blogging, Day 7: My Best Friend

Well, this is another loaded question, but maybe not as loaded as I once thought it was.
It has recently come clear to me that the majority of those whom I had considered friends don't really care one way or the other about me, they just find my unique creativity and intellect to be something of a novelty and enjoy utilizing these aspects of myself for their own personal amusement.
So I suppose it really comes down to two people.
The first would be my friend Bailie, with whom I have been friends for about 10 years, and share a strong spiritual connection.
We first began hanging out when our lives were both less-than-savory, I guess you could say, and were there for each other through the worst of our predicaments and the best of our accomplishments.
The level of my connection with her is something that can not be adequately measured, as there is really no way to measure such things to any reliable degree, but I would hold that it is multi-faceted and powerful.
She is one person with whom I know I can discuss absolutely anything, and she knows that I likewise would never bat an eye at anything she might tell me.
She is a grad student now, at a top-notch University, and I am so unbelievably proud of her, I can't properly express it in words.
The Second Best Friend I have would be my wonderful Sarah, the girl I love.
She has enriched my life in ways I couldn't have imagined just a year ago.  She makes me beam, and I am truly blessed to have her for a girl- and best-friend.
I'm sleepy, I'm going to go to sleep now.
~Codaniel Von Johnson~

30 Days of Blogging, Day 6: My Day

Well, today I woke up at around 10, got ready for work (showered, shaved, brushed teeth, etc.), then I went to work.
Worked on the line for the first time since I got my glasses, which was weird, our meat looks gross when you can actually see it, let me tell you.
Then I got off work, went to DRC to do a BA, went to ZoomMart and bought cigarettes, then went home and had a skype date with my girlfriend Sarah.
We had a nice long talk.
After the skype date, my stepmom drove me to Guitar Center so I could get some decent picks, then we went to a laundr-o-mat to do laundry.
I was supposed to meet up with my friend Leslie after she got off work, but while we were texting as soon as she got off, she somehow ended up straight at the bar, so I just went home, and spent the rest of my evening watching half of Season 2 of Big Bang Theory, which is an excellent show.
Just finished disc 2, and Now I'm going to sleep.
~Codaniel Von Johnson~

30 Days of Blogging, Day 5: What Is Love?

Whew, that's a loaded question, right?
Dictionary.com defines love as a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person, but I think it goes beyond that, assuming of course that we're talking about romantic love?

Love, as I see it, is the driving force for all of our accomplishments. It gives us a reason to try to strive for more, to better ourselves and seek to make a better life for us and our significant other.

It makes the good times great, and the sad times a little more bearable.

It is also hard and painful, at times. When we realize that what we thought was love was just a cruel cosmic joke, and struggle to recover from that. When we actually do find someone with whom we are totally in love, and are forced to separate from them, for one reason or another, is likewise hard.

And, worst of all, for me, is those times when you mistreat one another, when you say or do or don't say of don't do those things that just cause the other ones heart to lurch and ache, and you know that you've caused pain in the one person you never wanted to hurt.

That, for me, is heartwrenching, but in a case of true love, it always passes, and always paves the way for more growth and deeper love.

I have found my love, and couldn't be happier, with the individual if not with the situation.
But we will be together one day, for good, and will forge our lives together in the heat of our love and passion for each other, and that to me is the greatest gift of all.

To think for so long that you know what love is, and then to actually find it unexpectedly, is almost like thinking of a song lyric a certain way for all of your life, then one day you hear the song, and the actual lyric just comes clear to you, the whole song takes on a new meaning and makes sense in a way you never thought it would.

That analogy fails to adequately convey the complete essence of what I was trying to get across, but I just woke up a short while ago, and this is the best I can do at present.

Hope you like it.

Much Love,
~Codaniel Von Johnson~

30 Days of Blogging, Day 4: I Ate This Today...

First off... That's what she said.
Ok, I had a cup of coffee this morning, a double cheeseburger at around 2, a grilled burrito around 6, and I think 3 RockStars...
Oh, and so far 1 bite of a chocolate frozen custard.
Wow, this one was short.
Ok, see you tomorrow.
~Codaniel Von Johnson~
=  )...

30 Days of Blogging, Day 3: My Parents

Well, what a topic this is.
The amount of parental units I've had throughout the years is lengthy, to say the least.
All right, well my mother is a wonderful woman who, despite a turbulent past of drug addiction, is one of the finest women I know, and I couldn't be more proud to call her mom.
My father and I don't spend a lot of time together, and he wasn't around for a good chunk of my life, but he is still a wonderful man, and I love him for how analytical and intellectual he is, not to mention compassionate and caring.
My step father (*the one I acknowledge most out of the step fathers I've had*) is somewhat gruff, and old-fashioned, but he's a great guy at heart, and always tries to take on more than he can handle to make things easier for other people, but not without doing his fair share of bitching about it. lol
And my step mother ("**") is a very kind-hearted woman who, despite the lack of connection her family and friends feel with her, is just about the sweetest lady I've ever met, and I couldn't be happier (well, if our pets would stop fighting for my affection, I could be happier, but you can't have everything) to have her as my roommate.
~Codaniel Von Johnson~

30 Days of Blogging, Day 2: My First Love

Oh Boy,
Well, as to the amount of people I've THOUGHT I've loved, well, there have been too many to count.
But then, they were pretty much all unrequited, and I was a lonely little boy, so...
Anyway, as to my first real love, or at least first person I ever had any real, mutual feelings for, that would have to be Samantha.
I really don't like to talk about it, as that is a part of my past I am trying to solidly put behind me, but I suppose, if it's the blogging subject of the day, well....
I met Samantha when I was 18 years old, about to turn 19, and my sister brought her home from school, along with Sam's boyfriend, and another girl.
We hackey-sacked, and she told me I was a, I think her exact words were "Poopy head"...
Eventually I came to look on her as a little sister, as all she had were sisters (except for a younger brother who, until recently, was a total jerk), and she needed a brother figure, but I didn't know at the time (although in retrospect it seems rather obvious) that she had a crush on me.
Basically her boyfriend at the time manipulated her into having sex with him, and she was sad and miserable and needed someone to talk to, so I was there for her, and she started to eat away at the emotional walls I had built up to deaden myself from the world.
She needed me so much, and I gave her all the support I could, and we developed a rather strong bond, but I still didn't let it go past being just really good friends; she was too young for me.
In time, though, we did end up together, and I had the misfortune of having that be during her rebellious years, when she was out experimenting with drugs and boys, and I was basically a "boyfriend" in little more than name.
Then she moved to Idaho, and I moved there with her, on two seperate occasions, but the first time I couldn't deal with the stress of her family (three younger siblings, who were a handful at the best of times), or the indecision of her parents (whether I was a good guy, to accept as part of the family, or a creep who was in love with their teenage daughter), so I moved back to foco.
The second time, I got a job, was doing my part around the house, and was fairly well-liked by all, but when we decided to finally take our relationship to the next level, everything degenerated, and her parents went back into hating me mode, delivering the ultimatum to either cease all physical relations with their daughter, or move out.
Knowing the first would never happen if I were there, I moved out.
We kept on long-distance, well, on and off, for a few years, but right when she was getting close to moving back out here, I got into a wreck, went to prison and she dumped me.
Then she got engaged, got pregnant, moved back to foco, and tried to redevelop a friendship with me, but it just couldn't work, as much as I wanted it to, and I have asked her to please not contact me anymore.
I can't believe I just went through all of that, I've tried so hard not to think about it...
pleh
Anyway, my first HEALTHY love is my amazingly sweethearted Sarah, the girl I intend to spend the rest of my life with, and who I will be reunited with again in just a few short days (well 27, but who's counting?).
I never knew love could be like this, having had such skewed perceptions of it based on my experience, and I am so thrilled by the intensity and completeness of my love for her.
And also by the fact that I know, unequivocally, the she feels the same for me, and that definitiveness of emotion is a more powerful force than any I have ever known in my life.
So I suppose you could say Sam was my first attempt at love, while Sarah is an indisputable success.
I love you baby.
Umm, yea
~Codaniel Von Johnson~

Belated list of 30 day blog topics

Day 01 - About me

Day 02 - My first love

Day 03 – My parents

Day 04 – I ate this today

Day 05 – What is love?

Day 06 – My day

Day 07 – My best friend

Day 08 – One moment

Day 09 – My faith

Day 10 – Today I wore this

Day 11 – My siblings

Day 12 – In my handbag

Day 13 – This week

Day 14 – What was I wearing today?

Day 15 – My dreams

Day 16 – My first kiss

Day 17 – My favorite memory

Day 18 – My favorite birthday

Day 19 – This I regret

Day 20 – This month

Day 21 – Another moment

Day 22 – This upsets me

Day 23 – This makes me feel better

Day 24 – This makes me cry

Day 25 – A first

Day 26 – My fears

Day 27 – My favorite place

Day 28 – This I miss

Day 29 – My ambitions

Day 30 – One last moment

 

And then there will be>>>>

30 Days of blogging, Day 1: ABOUT ME

iN ORDER TO DESCRIBE HIMSELF IN COMPREHENSIVE WAYS
iT MIGHT BE ILL-ADVISED TO SAY THE THINGS HE OFTEN SAYS
wHEN WRITING IN A RHYMING SCHEME TO SEEM ALL DEEP AND STUFF
hE'S LIKELY TO ENCOUNTER FEW WHO DARE TO CALL HIS BLUFF
bUT ON OCCASION THIS HAS STILL BEEN KNOWN TO COME ABOUT
sO THEN HE CHANGES WHAT HE SAYS FROM WORD TO FERAL SHOUT
aND WHEN THEY FLINCH AND COWER BACK AS MOST BY ROTE HAVE DONE
hE SMILES INWARDLY AND TELLS HIMSELF IT MEANS HE'S WON
bUT EVEN WHEN HE WRITES A POEM IN REVERSE CAPS LOCK MODE
hE FEELS IT MAKES HIM SPECIAL THOUGH THE LATTER CLEARLY SHOWED
sO IN THIS BLOG HE THOUGHT HE'D GO IMPROMPTU AND MAKE HASTE
'cAUSE THOUGH IT'S CRAP HE'S TIRED AND IT STILL WON'T GET ERASED
aND THIS IS WHY THIS GUY WHO BY AND BY HAS NAUGHT TO SAY
hAS WRITTEN THIS, AND NOW SHALL WHISK HIMSELF TO BED TO LAY
...dOWN AND GO TO SLEEP...

~cODANIEL vON jOHNSON~
12-07-10 @ 1:22 AM

All right, I guess I have a blog now... yippee...

Here's a Blog... No Insights this time...